Alpha Female

Been wondering how come a person becomes less confident when his/her love interest is somewhat “successful” in the eyes of the society.

Jojo

3 months ago

INFJ

Taurus

5w4

5 4

There was a study about this! A woman dressed out as a man, lived like a man, for quite a while. She was very masculine to begin with, but after this experiment she embraced her feminine side, gratefully, because there was a whole lot of pressure she wasn’t ready for, until she experienced it. Can’t remember what her name was… but she mentioned this pressure about the expectation to be successful, a provider with no emotions, a leader and competition to prove yourself all the time.

Norah Vincent - Self Made Man. I read the synopsis of her book and her interviews about it after. Even though it was 16 years ago, I don't think much has changed for male gender expectations and societal reactions. We haven't really had the revolution women have had yet. I've been voicing my opinion and talking out more about these things from my male perspective. Some people will not believe it, or even shame you, but a lot will listen too. I've noticed a lot of women are surprised to hear these things probably because it never gets talked about. So even though it's risky, men should start to be more courageous to talk about these things because it's the only way anything will get done. That's what women had to do with feminism and it eventually made a lot of progress.

Jojo

3 months ago

INFJ

Taurus

5w4

5 4

Right! Now I can put it on my reading list, thanks! Yes, most definitely. It’s already begun, let’s hope it makes good progress

Well some men including my self were raised to be the bread winners and be more successful than our partner.

Some don't.

They must not really love them then, if they’re uncomfortable with them being their best version. As long as they don’t neglect their S.O there shouldn’t be a problem

It depends on the culture, somewhere like the US, canada, and a lot of western European cultures are starting to care less compared to more traditional cultures like India or most middle eastern countries. 1. Not every guys feels the same about it. For example, even before feminism became popular I always knew I'd be interested in women with careers and ambition. Nowadays it's not a necessity but I still don't mind. 2. Men will actually get subtly shamed and made fun of if their girl is more successful than them. Take an extreme case to illustrate my point, like a stay at home dad that takes care of the house and kids while the woman works. Stay at home moms are accepted. Stay at home dads make people question the man's ambition, intelligence, etc. It's seen like he's a lazy parasite who doesn't want to work. 3. Some of this is also on the men themselves. Refusal to refute these gender expectations and stereotypes. They need to have the courage to face any possible backlash and stand up for themselves in order to move the whole outdated view forward. Also, they need to undo the programming that a large part of their self worth only comes from being able to provide. 4. Some career driven and ambitious women I've met are just assholes. They think society doesn't like them because they're a woman that is successful, ambitious, and independent. No, there's just an asshole way to do that and a not-asshole way to do it, regardless of gender. 5. Guys are probably also afraid that the girl may look down on him or something. I hear girls talk a lot about how the guy they have in their mind must be successful, ambitious, have goals, etc. more than I do hear guys talk about that. They may worry they don't cut it. Those are some of my thoughts. Who knows if they're right. I just like to think.

Feelings of inadequacy, condescension, inferiority complex, being seen as pathetic or a failure by anachronistic societal standards and if male, ect...