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Matthew
3 months ago
4
With whom do you find it easier to be yourself, men or women?
Whether it means doing some sort of activities or sitting and talking for hours. I'm specifically thinking of friends, not lovers.
I find it hard to be comfortable around people, in general. But if I've ever felt comfortable, I've not noticed a disparity between genders. I only had one real friend in my life and I felt totally comfortable being myself around him, despite how awkward his crush sometimes made things. So, I guess it depends on the character of the person, not their gender.
Matthew
3 months ago
4
Thanks, Kat. I know that's what I aspire to. For me, I seem to be more comfortable being myself around women. I think it's on me .... I could probably do some psychotherapy to dive into the way that is. So it is helpful hearing people who actually live that out. It tells me that it is something I should do personal work on.
Well, you get along with what you get along with. Maybe women are simply a greater source of comfort to you because you feel more able to be emotionally vulnerable and honest with them? Who knows? Of course, I would never suggest you forgo doing any further research on yourself. As was once said by a wise man, the unexamined self is the unfulfilled self. I would just say, unless you uncover serious hangups you'd like to work on, don't worry too much about it. 😊
Art
3 months ago
9
The connections are different with both, men are fun to do activities with because they get really involved, I went on a outdoorsy activity last week with men they were more focused on the task at hand which I appreciated because it made me focus too . I find that with women i could turn every activity into a bonding activity and whatever activity we do I would relax too much to actually deliver.
Matthew
3 months ago
4
Thanks, Art. I appreciate hearing how you relate differently based on gender differences. I find that when I want to focus on a task at hand, I usually do it alone. That gives me something to chew on in helping me build better same-sex friendships.
Tracy
3 months ago
7
I'm myself with everyone. That being said, my personality tends to mesh better with dudes moreso than women. I have a handful of female friends that I trust, but I've always been "one of the guys".
Matthew
3 months ago
4
Thanks, Tracy. It's really interesting for me to hear your perspective. If you have a chance, I'm curious what it looks like for you to be "one of the guys"? Is it shared interests or more a shared way of expressing those interests?
Tracy
3 months ago
7
I'd say a bit of both, actually. Where I'm from, the girls just wanted to sit around and talk about boys or go get their hair/nails done. I've always been more of a tomboy (I love cars/racing, played a lot of video games in my youth, and participated in all kinds of sports ranging from football to taekwondo) and never really cared about those things. Even though I love clothes and shoes and all that, I never felt the need to spend hours shopping or to put makeup on and dress up everyday. I also speak more like a stereotypical "guy" and reserve my soft feminine side for the person I'm in a relationship with. In general, I find guys easier to befriend because they don't typically want to sit around talking about feelings or gossiping about who did what to whom. Conversations are typically more surface level with men and they tend to want to solve a problem rather than just talking about how a certain thing made you feel, which is more in line with my personality.
Matthew
3 months ago
4
Thanks, Tracy. That makes a lot of sense. I would agree - I've never liked talking about boys, or getting my hair (or what's left it) done, spending hours shopping or putting on makeup. (I have to wear a tie to work, so I guess I dress up everyday). 😉 On the other hand, I'm also not into cars/racing and I was never coordinated enough to be good at sports. (I was your stereotypical book worm). So I don't have that going for me either. 🤔 I'm glad that not everyone has the same interests. It makes life a lot more interesting, in my opinion. 🙃 I do see the same general differences in communications. I find fewer men who like talking about their feelings ... or at least want to do so as often as I do. Ironically, I married a woman who doesn't like talking about her feelings either. (Proving that while I believe that the stereotypes exist for a reason, there are exceptions.) Regardless, I am really happy you have been able to successfully find your community. I think it's awesome when people aren't willing to sacrifice who they are in order to meet some societal expectations ... particularly when they have found a way to make it work well. 😎 It's encouraging, as I feel I don't fit many of the stereotypes, and it encourages me to keep trying. After I got married, I felt I needed to change to be more in "guy" groups ... mostly because I was afraid that I might get emotionally attached to another woman - and I believe emotional "affairs" can be just as harmful as physical affairs. But I'm thinking that perhaps I three out the proverbial baby with the bathwater. Thank you for sharing!
Mostly women, I'm a very empathic sympathetic dude, always have been. I hate the cesspool of testosterone, ego and arrogance many men throughout life display. Most women, or most feminine people aren't so abbrassive, they don't trample over the mental space I need with no consideration. Seeing how I am very introverted, that is important to me. Lastly women or feminine and/or introverted people tend to process things internally, which I very much relate to as well, with men a lot of it seems more surface level. Note: of course I'm generalizing here and it doesn't apply to everyone.
Matthew
3 months ago
4
Thanks. While I agree it is generalizing, I find the same thing. Interestingly, though, my wife, though introverted, isn't very introspective. In some ways, we seem to flip the typical gender stereotypes. (I always want to talk about my feelings. She would rather sit and watch TV.)
Im more myself around women that i know well for the most part. But there is the odd exception of ma best mates of course
IMO since this is based on friends not lover's a true friend male or woman wouldn't cause another friend to feel as though they can't be themselves around them. Period
Sigma
3 months ago
2
Males. But the notion is always frown among females.
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