Going from single to - not -?

I'm really bad at ignoring red flags since I usually want to "give them a chance", especially when that person is exciting and alluring. I recently went on an incredible date with a gorgeous guy who was so passionate, intelligent, interesting, and made me feel so special and desirable. I have had body image issues my whole life, but he said I had the body of a Greek goddess and actually made me feel sexy! However, he confessed that he used to have control issues in the past and he has a violent streak. He's already showing his possessive and controlling tendencies, and I'm already starting to feel anxiety over his moods and potential jealousy. Should I give him a chance and see where it goes, or am I ignoring all the flags again and should I cut ties and run? (Sorry for the novel, but thank you for reading 😊)

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And by that I mean I think love is the consideration you take for the people you care about. It's hearing, listening, and then changing. It's doing chores you hate because it makes their life easier. It's choosing to go through hard times together, and supporting eachother, and meeting in the middle, and even sometimes relenting. It's something you build. It is in everything BUT the feeling. It is not the butterflies and the fast beating hearts.

By all means avoid it but if you have been through it and survived it and healed through it you deserve a crown. Never let that other individual who is toxic or demeaning, challenge your character or what you stand for. This is just an experience -Living -Inside -Finite -Energy

So for 10 years I have not seeked out romantic relationships or really even friendships. Being almost 26 now, I feel really really far behind now that I am taking my emotional health seriously. Simultaneously, like most people I am comfortable where I am. Alone. I convince myself I have no time as I am working and going to school. Is that fine? Or am I just maiming my future self by being scared? It's extremely difficult for me to break through smalltalk, or to know when or how to flirt. Its a bit embarrassing to me. I feel obliged to use dating apps and the like, but I receive extremely few matches, and I can't seem to convince anyone to hold a conversation. Should I strike out and try to make friends and the like in the real world, by joing some kind of club? I definitely feel a little lost as to what I should do.

Relationship is like flying a kite. When you pull too tight the string would break. If you let it too loose it will fly away. Learning when to pull and when to let loose is important for the kite to fly. Just like relationship, if you control too much you are pulling it too tight and one day it will break. Too much trust and let it loose he/she might just fly away and never come back. Learning to control and stroke a balance is what I guess I am still learning.

Would you be intimidated? will you support them? Will you demand your time despite knowing that their personal development is their priority?

So, I would say that I'm pretty new to coming out. Last year in the summer of 2021, I ended up coming out to my family. It started off as a joke because I wanted to cause conflict in my family to call out the people who are toxic but pretend to be these nice people. But as time went on I ended up embracing the fact that for the longest time I was always attracted to females presenting as masculine? I think that's how you say it. And I'm so new to all of this now, that I still have shame trying to be myself when talking to people of the same sex. And I don't know if that's because of how homophobic my family actually is or if it's because I have fears about how I will be treated by society trying to be open and loving the person that I actually want to love. And I'm not labeling myself as strictly lesbian for example. I tend to have love for a lot of different people. Which is why I've decided to label myself as queer if anything. But also, I don't want people to feel like I'm playing them just because I'm trying to figure out my identity and where I truly stand. But I also feel sad because I feel like people don't want to give me the time of day because I am so recent to coming out as questioning. And it's almost like how is a person who is late to coming out in their life supposed to actually figure out themselves if nobody will give them the time of day? And I know it has to do with that person also not getting hurt. Which is totally understandable. But I guess I'm wondering if anybody else who came out later in their life or if they know someone who came out later in their life struggles or did struggle with the same thing. And what did they do to overcome those things?

I suppose it's a vague question but what's the one thing you always look for in a potential partner?

Long, but input is much appreciated... Let's say a husband and wife have plans to go to the hardware store and then spend several hours on yard work before his friend comes over that evening. There's a looooot of yard work to be done, and the wife knows how important it is to the husband to get as much done as possible today. They'd been planning the yard work and the friend's visit for several weeks. The trip to the store came up only the night before, and all that was said was, "we need to go to the hardware store tomorrow for a new rake." Over breakfast, the husband expresses that the house isn't as clean as he'd like it to be since someone is coming over. So the wife asks if he'd like to divide and conquer... instead of both of them going to the hardware store, one could stay home and clean while the other went to the store. Is that a reasonable question for her to ask? If the husband is *very* opposed to this idea, what would be a reasonable response on his part?

This is coming from a guy, so I don't quite have the perspective from women. Don't be surprised if there seem to be a bias. I can find good advices out there, but it's very easy to find well formatted articles talking about the topic like the writer is spitting facts with their bullet points. Keep in mind, everyone writing on the internet do so for a reason. It might seem like the articles were written to help you, but it is often not the case. Many of the writers couldn't care less about you. They don't even know you exist. But they care about their own opinions. And this is why they are voicing them. Helping you is probably not on top of the priority list. That being said, you can still navigate and find the good stuff out there. Just stay away from headlines such as "How to Win her/him Back in 10 Easy Steps." Those will proceed by explaining how to exectute emotional manipulation so she/he gets back "crawling" at you. What they won't tell you is, most women/men are not stupid. They will see right through it. And they won't ever talk to you again. Probably. Why would acting selfishly and being a poor listener to her/him work? I can almost guarantee you those writers aren't in a happy relationship and are probably bitter themselves. They are writing probably because they want the world to get down at their level. And the internet is the best place to do so. The alternative is, they have some links to subscribe to their packages that will give you their ultimate secret to win her/his heart back. In this case, they know exactly what they are doing. And they are helping themselves. They know you won't get them back, but at least they can feed off heartbroken people until those finally move on. Just opportunist assholes. Other articles are going to give you reasons why your relationship failed. Of course, they know absolutely nothing about it, but they won't admit that. They are going to throw "facts" at you, such as: She lost respect because you didn't act like a "high value" man. By that, they shamelessly explain a high value man doesn't show care for his woman. And that is going to make you look valuable to her eyes and build attraction. Acting like a price to be earned. Basically, they are explaining how to make a toxic relationship work by playing mind games. Do you really enter a relationship for the purpose of having a trophy person by your side? Many do, but I imagine many of you are looking for something genuine instead. They are also often of the opinion you should treat a woman by pushing her for sex. Because otherwise, you're treating her like a little girl instead of a grown woman. And that is why she turned you down. I don't think this should pass your quality content filter. Otherwise, you'll feel like you are not allowed to have a genuine connection with someone, and you might give up on the whole deal. Again, don't fall for it, they want you to get down to their level for their personal satisfaction. Those writers are sexually frustrated and those articles are just their way for them to vent online. They know nothing about your situation. I have so many examples, we can discuss it further in the comments. I'd be happy to analyze concrete articles from links. The bottom line is: if you're feeling down after a rejection or a breakup, you are probably going to be tempted to find easy answers to relieve the pain. And the internet is absolutely not your friend. It is full of "know it alls" who really know nothing. Have you ever been in the subreddit r/relationshipadvices? People there are voicing their uninformed opinions. They seem to always suggest to end a relationship instead of working it out. Nobody ever seems to suggest the latter. Your partner farted by accident at a gathering? Yeah, you should end your marriage of 15 years... Yet, people go there for answers. Of course, I'm exaggerating, but I'm only conveying the idea. Maybe the reason is, this sub is filled by frustrated people who can't stand seeing people in generally healthy relationships, and will influence people into breaking up for their personal relief. We can't dismiss the idea they have their own interests in mind. Why would they care about you? Okay, enough words for now ^^ I hope you can rely on a good friend who can really listen and help you find your own answers for your unique situations.

I've lived with domestic abuse both as a child and adult. So happy to be past that now, but here's a link to help people recognize some of the signs and hopefully be prepared to cut ties and RUN! https://domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/