"The desire to control others is strongest in those who can’t control their own anxiety."

Source: @thestoicemperor Is it true? Why or why not?

I feel its true. My anxiety is bad. Things out of my routine can shut me down. Unpredictable people scare me at times. I do not wish to control anyone. What's good in my mind for them may not be good for them at all. Even if it would help with my anxiety. People who succumb to their anxiety definitely desire that stability and control.

Oh whao, well said. 👏👏👏

very insecure people.

Yeah it's true 🧘 I can attest.

Yea I can attest to this as well

I would say that this makes sense. It may not always be because of anxiety, but more often than not, those who are anxious probably want to control those around them because they are so out of control themselves.

I don't want to control others. I want to control my surroundings because of my anxiety. So, if you cause me anxiety 10/1 your not near me.

This is a very vague quote, anxiety comes in many different forms, social anxieties would perhaps lead to this sort of thing. But for someone like myself with health anxiety my fear is my own body rather than my surroundings.

Yes, it is very vague. That's a good point.

I have anxiety from being in (and surviving) a coercively controlling relationship. The last thing I would want to do is control anyone else and inflict the same on them.

That's really admirable.

I don't think it's true. The desire to control others is strongest in those who have been controlled by someone else before or still.

I believe it's true. Those who cannot moderate their own anxiety, will instead try to control things which can trigger anxiety, often times other people.

I suppose that could be true. If I were to answer with what I really thought I would say the desire to control others stems from a sincere belief that the individual is truly the best. Others who behave differently would then need help in behaving like the individual. The more they resist the more help they need. It's a truly perverse state of mind, but actually quite prevalent in our society now, and I'm not excluding myself in that. It's really quite a challenge to let go and allow others to be as they are and still love them. The nicest of us can still be driven by controlling drives.

I agree, it's understandable that one would want more accomodations because they personally can't adapt or adjust because of their anxiety.

I could see an argument for both sides. In terms of the 'yes' side, similar to what other people here have said, a lot of anxious people desire to control their surroundings rather than to hold control over actual people, but at the same time, our social circle is a part of our surroundings. So, if a person is prone to insecurity, they could reason to themselves that controlling a person's behavior or actions will minimize unpredictability within their relationship with that individual. Of course, this mentality is really unhealthy, but it does happen. On the other hand, I could also see an argument that having control over a person's behaviors would only exacerbate that anxious sensation since not only do they need to manage their own life but now they have this completely separate situation on top of that, which could act to dissuade an anxious person from a controlling mentality. In my opinion, that quote may hold some truth on a person-by-person basis, but I think its far too general of a statement to hold much truth societally. :)

I think it plays truer for someone who is already position of power rather than that of a normal person. Since an anxious individual may be able to avoid risk or something making them anxious by utilising another or simply treating the other person as an object of escapism. To someone in a position of command controlling another may serve is an angle to circumvent the need to overcome their own detracting traits. It almost requires a difference in power dynamics between the two people for this quote to be true in my opinion.

It makes sense. If I feel like I am out of control, I want to control my environment - because if I control my environment, then maybe I can mitigate the trigger. 🌪️ And, for the most part, people are part of my environment. And the unpredictability of people is a huge cause of anxiety. So, if I could just control people, then maybe I could get some relief from my anxiety. 🙎‍♂️ But it doesn't work that way. Most people aren't willing to be controlled. And, honestly, even if they were, my anxiety would still be there. Brain chemistry is brain chemistry. 🧠 Not to mention, I couldn't control people even if I thought it was a good idea. People don't follow me when I'm in a position of leadership. They certainly aren't going to follow me when I'm not. 🙅‍♂️ And I'm not intimidating enough for anyone to fear me. So, reading this quote makes me pause a bit. What if I were intimidating? What if I were charismatic? Would I succumb to the temptation to use those characteristics to attempt to control people? Would I become the monster? 👹 I don't know. And that scares me a bit. The fact that a few characteristics could have resulted in an evil version of myself makes me wonder what kind of person I really am? 🧟‍♂️ Am I just a toothless monster inside?

Are overly controlling people anxious??? I’ve always felt they knew what they were doing, like they are very calculated. Idk

Ive seen both in my control freak roommate. He has tons of anxiety. Hes also calculating and is very good at reading and manipulating people. I think these are common traits of narcissists.

True for me. I am very controlling. I need to have everything exactly how i want it. I also have extreme issues with anxiety

Out of curiosity, are your closets in absolute disarray, helter skelter? My roomate has ocd, and its very difficult to negotiate with him to get things "feng shui" he doesnt use the same logic I do in the placement of things. He keeps the place tidy but open anything out of sight, the cupboards, drawers under the bed, its all a complete jumble! I moved the couch when he was gone to vacuum, it was nasty under there so much toys and garbage! Hes been here 5 years-me 4 months. He came home with the couches moved to the middle of the room and he flipped. He couldnt handle it. I pushed them back and thats when I realised that hes gonna have to be gone if i want to get any deep cleaning done! Hes a lot better lately, he knows hes got that ocd snd he tries to not let what i do get to him and i do the same.

Honestly I don’t even know what you’re asking me and it was hard to follow your story about your messy friend. I have OCD as well and I really have no clue what it is you’re wanting to know right now

I have no desire to control others and my anxiety is off the charts. But I also know people are gonna do what they do regardless of any input from you.

My roommate is a control freak, he has a lot of anxiety. He also has borderline personality disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and hes a type II juvenile onset insulin dependent diabetic. I also believe he has narcissistic personality disorder and that I, at the risk of sounding like a narcissist, am empathic and absorb a lot of his stress to the point I think Im going to need counseling if I ever move away from this guy. He cant help the way he is and hes my friend. He needs somebody to yell at and tell them because they cant do anything right. His wife left him I dunno why hes a really cool dude when his blood sugar is ok. yes i see the irony and sarcasm lol

Speaking only for myself... From an attachment standpoint, most of my anxieties are centered around relationships but not in many other scenarios (financial, professional, etc) because of an extensive history of being abused/enmeshment in my family. This makes me constantly vigilant and triggers feelings of being "unsafe" in otherwise loving safe relationships. Because I don't want to be a hermit in the woods, if I am not grounded and/or conscious of these fears, I will experience intense suspicion, search for inconsistencies, and try to control/influence the behavior of others to split the difference of being terrified of relationships but also desperately wanting them. Which is why, hashtag THERAPY with a good therapist is awesome. I will also say, I was a therapist and just being a therapist doesn't magically make any of that go away in my personal life 😂 which is rude. After 100k student loan debt, I feel like that should be a part of the financial aid package.

Maybe not control others but control the kind of environment I'm in all the time. If I could only be surrounded by people who are supportive, understanding, and caring I would be living the perfect life. Alas reality is a cruel reminder it's not always feasible.